I am not.  My ex paid alimony for about a year and then stopped.  Again, he would have loved for me to bring him to court and dwindle my funds.  Frankly, I’m not invested in being the recipient of his ill gotten gains.  If the money was important to me, I would have stayed in the marriage.  What I want, is justice.

The short answer is: No.

Three years after the divorce, my ex has multiple lawsuits against him for fraud and malpractice in Louisiana.  Apparently deals have been made.  He owes them millions.

I’m guessing the reason is the insurance companies can’t get their money if he’s in jail.

So far, $50,000.00.  The community property is not settled.  My ex refuses to cooperate.  He would love nothing more than for me to spend more money on court costs.  Being an attorney, it costs him nothing.

My attorney has been very good at making sure I am not embroiled in vain attempts, seeking  justice.

No, but I was fortunate.  I’m quite sure my ex (who is an attorney) was hoping I could not find someone to represent me.  Attorneys, as a general rule, do not like to go against another attorney.

The first lawyer I met with was a female and bowed out after speaking with my then husband over the phone.  He went on for a 20 minute tirade, in which she took copious notes.  When she hung up, she looked at me and said, “He is going to make this a nasty divorce that will cost you tens of thousands of dollars.”   She did however give me a good referral.  My new attorney stayed by my side even when I could not pay him.

Short answer is:  Maybe.

I saw a priest who went public on Facebook about his experience with a fellow priest who targeted him and tried to destroy his priesthood.  I told him my story.  He suggested I read the book, “The Sociopath Next Door.”  It is written by psychologist Martha Stout, PhD, who wanted to help others avoid the devastation of being the target of a sociopath.  She cited a study where 1:25 Americans are considered a sociopath.  They are not necessarily murderers but the path of destruction they leave in their wake is no less grim.

You can google the characteristics of a sociopath and decide if  your partner/ex/spouse has these attributes.

 

I would call it faith.  What does that mean??  For me, it means I had walked through many difficult circumstances in my life and I came out okay.  I talk about these situations in my book FIFI.  I have a higher power who is with me.  I believe that there is always a better road, light at the end of the tunnel, and a net to catch me.  Knowing this gives me courage.

I know the future is uncertain but what I have come to realize is that nothing is certain.  All we have to do is take it one day at a time.

The corrupt judge I had, had a record of the following activities:

1. She takes sides in a case based on her relationships with the attorneys.

2. Off the record “conferences” without the parties present.

3. Coercive deals

4. Jailing parents

5. Won’t hear from children

6. Severs children from good parents.

7. Doesn’t allow evidence or evidentiary hearings.

8. Seals records so that parties can’t access them

9. Has ex parte communications with attorneys and issues orders without giving the other party a chance to respond.

Will Ferrell King of Bacchus 2012

I text them, post public on FB and Twitter.  There is so much social media that even when my son and daughter were suddenly off FB(I believe forced off by their father and my attorney concurs), I could still reach out.

Keep up with their school events.  Plan to be there for awards.  Meet their teachers.  If you have 50-50 custody, the school has to keep you updated on their grades and activities.  It is the law.

I have started writing each one of my children a letter each week.  I put their name on the envelope, my address and have it mailed from the post office or place of business.  It comes to my mailbox, postmarked.  I plan to save the letters and wrap them in a ribbon.  One day I will present the collection of letters.

In the letter I write what is in my heart for each child individually.  I write what I am doing that week.  This helps me enormously.  I feel connected and a sense of relief, along with hope that one day they will know I was always thinking of them.

When the letters arrive in my mailbox I feel like I have made a great leap in the healing process of me and my children.  It is a concrete, pro-active task. 🙂

 

 

I cannot emphasize this enough, you are not alone!  The combination of financial infidelity, divorce from an attorney and a corrupt judge left me in the same situation.

Three years after the court decision to give my ex domicile custody and the house, St. Tammany is in an election year for family court judge.  I am heavily campaigning for her opponent.  The timing is interesting because the election  falls on the same year and season of my book release.  There are NO coincidences.  I do have 50-50 custody but because my ex refuses to do the right thing, my children have not been allowed to visit me for two years.

Sure, I could go to court and fight for visitation but I am also a child of divorced parents.  I know all too well what my children are feeling and experiencing.  If they were very young children I might have appealed.  But because they are nearly of age, time is on my side.  Their father’s second marriage to an attorney and a mediator( if you can believe that), living in her house and under her roof, puts my children at a disadvantage.  Lets face it, they need to survive.  I do not want to upset the status quo and create stress for my kids.  They need to do well in school.  I do not want them in the middle of a battle while they are just trying to grow into adults and be successful.

I am sure they miss me.  I know I miss them.  I did have twenty years caring for my children so, I know they have a large part of my love and time .   It is a painful decision to step back and not fight to see them. However, I choose NOT to turn my kids into a taffy pull.

I do pray a lot.  There is a CD in my car set for four Rosaries and a litany of other traditional prayers.  It’s my meditation.  I was raised Catholic and this is my thing.

When you have a good heart and are doing the right thing, the universe will bring you what you need.

I believe God does not sleep.  Based on that premise, it is fair to say I have taken this to a HIGHER COURT!  Because I have faith, I know there are higher powers fighting on my behalf.  There is too much evidence supporting that belief to deny it.  I have had miraculous connections made for my benefit and so will you!

“The world is so much more than we know.” ~ Ben Hur, movie

When I participate in pro-active causes, such as this campaign, I become part of the solution.  Once I knew my candidate was out there running to unseat this corrupt judge, I realized I was not the only one going through the injustice and bias of family court.  For the last three years I thought I was all alone in the wilderness! Nothing could have been further from the truth and all my instincts were correct.

Live your new life with all that you have.  Do not feel guilty one minute for doing so. You must move forward.  Work, travel, make friends and go to social events. Volunteer for a worthwhile cause.  Stay relevant.  THE WORLD NEEDS YOU!

 

The short answer is: No.

I was very naive about how having the same therapist as my then husband, would play out in a court of law.  You may need your therapist to speak on your behalf, before the judge, as a character witness.  If he /she also had sessions with your spouse then he/she will NOT be allowed to speak on your behalf in court.  Because my then husband was an attorney experienced in domestic cases, he knew this and therefore aggressively maneuvered his way in seeing the same therapist as I.  Do not make the same mistake!  Even if this is a typical marriage crisis and you expect reconciliation, be careful and CYA!

Although the snake of an ex-husband I had subpoenaed my therapy notes, I did not retaliate in kind.  Reason being, I believe what he did was unethical, though allowable by law.