This is best answered by my attorney William J. Larzelere,III, who writes an entry in the last chapter of F.I.F.I.  I find his advice on this matter fascinating and points, to which, I frankly disregarded as a young 28 year old.  Taken from F.I.F.I., Chapter twelve, he frames the following questions with this opening statement:

“These are questions that some people have problems discussing,(taken out of context, this followed hardcore financial questions) or they do not know yet how they will earn their living, much less what their goals are going to be.  This is where an analysis of your potential spouse’s character is critical and necessary from a financial view point.  Ask yourself these questions:

Does he/she take a lot of chances?

Does he/she make decisions on the spur of the moment?

How important is money to your potential spouse?

Does he/she envy people who are rich or who seem to “have it all”?

Is your potential spouse materialistic?

Does your potential spouse ignore even “little” legal requirements, (i.e. actual signatures)?”

In my personal experience, the short answer would be “yes” to all of the above!

 

Let me offer some examples.  See if anything raises a red flag for your situation:

Does he/she take a lot of chances?  My ex had significant debt from gambling.  I did not know this until we were married.  He wore casino t-shirts.  He favored gambling as a source of revenue.  He was all about it.  Technically , he did not gamble at casinos or with gaming in general after we were married but the rush and the high he got from taking risks was all there for him in the stock market.  It was just another game of cards.

Does he/she make decisions on the spur of the moment?  My ex liked to brag that he practiced law ‘by the seat of his pants’.  He was in and out of business ventures that came up overnight.

How important is money to your potential spouse?  It was everything.  He bragged, “one day I’ll be famous”.   Becoming a sports agent was his golden ticket to be around the rich and famous.  He idolized the one NFL player he represented.  Owning an art gallery in the Vieux Carre  was another feather in his cap.  I was  promised many houses for us to own shortly before I filed for divorce.

Does he/she envy people who are rich or who seem to “have it all”?  I recall a particular gentleman he expressed disdain for simply because he was successful in politics.  This man was a few years younger but grew up in our neighborhood and by all accounts, a peer.  It was a unique self-revelation.  By and large, at least in front of me, he tried to keep his jealousy under his hat.

Is your potential spouse materialistic?  Although we had nothing but debt in the first few years of marriage, he had to have the nice car and big law office to maintain the persona of success.

Does your spouse ignore even “little” legal requirements,(i.e. actual signatures)?  Everything he did seemed half assed and unorganized but he knew what he could get by with.  Was it sheer genius or a character flaw?  Early in our marriage I expressed my concern to a friend of his, who was also an attorney.  His friend said to me, “Look, I’ve known Dug a long time.  No matter how much shit he gets into he comes out smelling like a rose.”  Frequently, he commented he was the “Columbo of the legal profession” because of his haphazardness.